For a month or so since I had been back I had felt like my head was detached from my body. I wasn't in the mood to be in columbia, I desperately needed a job, I missed my friends and was looking for something to do to ground me. I applied at 8 different places for a job, and because I have kick-A availability for once I thought getting a job would be a piece of cake. Did I mention I didn't want to be in Columbia?

I didn't like the feeling of a detached head, or the confused feeling that was in my heart. Then my mom, a woman who follows teachings of Buddhism (among other belief systems) suggested that I go to an energy guide/ healer. I said, why not? I don't know what else to do!

The women that I went to was a friend of my mom's. she had studied energy healing for years with the most practiced Buddhists in the country. The belief is that everything in this universe has energy flowing in them. This energy flows in a fluid manner (a.k.a not in a rectangle fashion but more of like a figure 8) through our bodies. Also, throughout our bodies there are shakras, certain energy centers, that account for different things in the body, for example anger, grounded-ness, the physical body, etc. Sometimes certain happenings in your life can disrupt the energy flow of the body, and sometimes blockages can happen in your shakras, throwing the whole system off.

another part of this belief system is the belief that there is another dimension, a spirit world. They believe in energy beings in the same way that Christians belief in angels. They believe that there is a God who is pure love, and wants humans to experience this pure love, and that they have it secretly waiting inside them, waiting to be tapped into. the angels are there to help humans too, to restore their energy to it's original state so we can be at peace and able to love.

the woman didn't think "healer" was the right word for what she does. She called herself a conduit. That people have the capacity to restore their original energy flow by themselves, but don't know how to do it. She is there to call upon the angels and to use her own energy to nudge away the things blocking the fluidity of the self.

she placed her hands on me, starting at the toes, going up the legs, hips, stomach, chest, neck, and head. moving slowly. using her energy.

this woman told me that i needed to be patient. She told me that I am adventurous, loving, and intelligent. She told me that anger, whose shakra is the liver, was built up in my body, but that my body was so ready to get rid of it that it wasn't hard to nudge it away. she said that normally energy flows in the body in figure eights, but that my energy was blocked, therefore was not flowing at all, as if someone had built a wall in my abdomen that didn't allow the two halves of my body to be connected by proper energy flow.

she told me that the things i was looking for would find me. i then told her about my job frustrations. she said i will get the job i am supposed to have, and to worry is to not have faith in the fact that life will play itself out. stress in no cure, but patience is the only remedy.

I left her, feeling not only physically restored but more contented and patient in my previously scattered mind.

a month passed and i was beginning to get impatient again. who wants their parents to pay for their groceries?

then i was sitting in my favorite coffee shop, telling my friend that works there that the new guy working that day is a d-bag because he got the job i have wanted for years. She talked to her boss, and i was hired on the spot. i got the job i have wanted for 3 years.
then i was offered another job, which is equally has amazing as the first.

although i would still rather be elsewhere, that's no longer on my mind. i haven't felt this content in a very very long time. i am peaceful. i used to feel like i owned this town, but at the same time i never felt connected to it. when i came back to it after a year, and everything changed, i felt like it had slapped me across the face. and then, after a little time, i met new people, and the new people that i have met have been so welcoming and lovely people that they have re-invented this place for me. it's now my safe-haven. a place in which i feel like i am not only accepted and comfortable, but that my presence is a joy for them.

that is a great feeling.

Krishna Das

"A few weeks after Ram Das and I had been at Maharaj-ji's Hanuman temple, tucked in the majestic himalayan mountains, a day came when a curious and soul-searching Canadian entered the front of the temple. Now, Maharaj'ji was a busy man, always organizing the things in the village, ordering monks here and there for temple up-keep, always occupied with something and running around all over the place. The day the Canadian man entered, Maharaj-ji quickly asked, 'What are you looking for here, canadian? What do you seek to learn?' The canadian, who hadn't really thought of exact reasons for coming, suddenly became nervous and hesitant, and decided to say, 'I want to learn how to meditate.' Maharaj-ji let how a sudden, boisterous laugh. He looked at the man, and started to shoo him to the back of the temple, to the small room where Ram Das and I were sitting. Maharaj-ji said with a jovial tone, 'Go! Go back with the rest of your western friends, and meditate like Jesus.' This confused the Canadian, but he followed orders quickly because the short interaction with Maharaj-ji left him shaken and excited about actually being accepted into the temple. He came back to the room where we were all sitting on the floor. We all introduced ourselves and then we began to tell us the story of what had just happened. His account of Maharaj'ji didn't surprise us because we had already come to understand his colorful nature. But as we continued talking we were perplexed at why our Babba, as we called him, had told the canadian to pray like Jesus. We thought maybe he was trying to make him feel more comfortable in this new asian country by referring to this western God, Jesus. But we asked ourselves, 'Why did he say to meditate like Jesus? How did Jesus meditate?' We soon decided to ask Babba as soon as he came back in the room this very question. A few hours later, (he was a busy man) Babba came back into the room in his quick and lively manner to check on us. We greeted him, and then I asked him,'Babba, how did Jesus meditate?' The usually busy and lively man got very still. He slowly closed his eyes, slightly lifted his chin, and raised his arms, palms upward. He stayed like this for a couple minutes, everyone in the room was completely silent, watching him. Babba was so peaceful and calm that it seemed like he was completely removed from us, as if he were the only person in the room. Then, with his arms raised and chin tilted upward, a small, silent tear rolled down his cheek. He slowly opened his eyes and looked to us, and said 'He lost himself in Love.'"

-Krishna Das, stories about his time with Maharaj-ji, and learning what true Love is.

Ciao Ciao, ci sentiamo a dopo!

I've realized how quickly time moves. If you aren't really where you are, and always thinking about what, inevitably, will happen in the near future, day turns to night before you know it, and then night turns to day and all of a sudden you've returned to where you didn't want to be and wishing you could have had just a little more time.

i refuse to let that happen. especially in the final beautiful hours, minutes, and seconds that i have until the next times.

i just spent a week with roberto in Cinque Terre. five little towns settled in these little mountains but also kissing the charming italian coast. i am incredibly grateful that i was able to be THERE, in those moments, feeling every ray of the sun warming my body and every salty wave that i dove into, and i was able to truly enjoy every sip of fizzy white wine in between bites of focaccia, and savor every big hug and every silly kiss. i am very lucky that i only allowed myself a few moments of "oh crap, i'm leaving in a few days," (and only while roberto was sleeping), because had i be dreading my return (alone) to madrid, (and inevitably to the u.s.) the whole time, i wouldn't be as radiant as i am now from how happy the whole time was.

we slept in a tent.
i learned italian.
i shared everlasting moments alone with my favorite person in the world.


now i'm in madrid again. totally bumming out. feeling what is the accumulation 7 days of something i was not allowing myself to feel... Going Home

although i leave Europe with a substantially heavy heart, it is only in thinking of the of the amazing things it has given me this year. most abundantly, my friendships.

and although every second that i am writing this my throat is tight and my heart is sunk, and maybe my eyes are moist with warm tears, i know that this place will patiently await my return, and my friends will await me with open arms. to them i am forever grateful and indebted, and i am excited for the new moments we will have together.


giá mi manci, amore.

Esta poniendo negro...

It's getting down to the wire... with only a week left with my friends here in madrid, i find myself trying to cram as much time in with them as i can. I keep going out with them and having dinners with them and now i am tired! I'm having some alone-ish time right now and i just keep thinking about how i want to go grab a coffee or something with SOMEBODY! i don't want to leave these people!

I still have two exams left, both on thursday. this means i can't pick my parents up from the airport, but four of my friends have volunteered to go pick them up for me. four! and looking on the bright side... my parents are coming to see me! they've been having the best time for the past two weeks in Tuscany and in some remote village in the Swiss Alps, and now i get to show them the country and culture i have grown to love. (yes, it took growing). My friends and i are having a going away/birthday party that my parents are coming to, so we'll see how that turns out. I think we'll all have a grrreat time. maybe more mojitos?(?)

one thing i'm looking forward to in the next year: having a bike!


i don't want to leave.

Can't Study (?)...

So here in Spain it is 12:16 a.m. and i have an oral exam tomorrow about Processes of Social Change. The class is extremely difficult (for the spaniards too!), so i'm having trouble getting myself motivated to study...

I'm waiting for the sun to come back out... maybe tomorrow? sick of all cloudy-rain-tease weather! silly deserts.

Cassidy introduced me to a new artist, named Laura Marling, after she went to a concert with the bf. (a concert of who? i don't remember... Laura is grrreat!) Here is a clip. i think she has a beautiful voice, and in some of her songs i'm getting a french-esk-type-of-music feeling. Hope you like her as much as i do! thanks cassafrass.











And here's a picture of the island i'm going to with Rocco. :)

The weather is shaping up again! it has been raining for a week or so now and it was getting to be a bummer. i need my daily hour of sunshine or i get cranky!

finals are finally coming up. :( again with the catching up with the hundreds of pages of texts and what not. but it will feel good when they are over! (not because the semester is coming to a close, because frankly i'm not too excited about going home. simply for the fact that i don't have any more silly finals at complutense to stress out about).

things are pretty tranquilo aqui. still attempting to learn italian (which many of my italian friends have told me is a useless ability). lol. at least i'm still learning to cook italian. and a little czech goulash too.

i've also spoken with a couple of my friends back home, and they've been telling me how much things have changed and continue to change back home. not necessarily for the better, and not necessarily the people themselves, just circumstances and dynamic are changing. i guess that's ok. my roommate adeline has already told me that it's common for students who do year-long (even semester-long) study abroad always end up gravitating towards each other to reminisce about their old international friends and complain about being home. haha. i suppose i wouldn't mind that. especially since a lot of my friends are graduating or moving away! it'll be good to identify with people who have the same feelings/experiences.

i was going to go to the sigur ros concert with some really awesome people, and it was going to be freaking amazing to see them again, but it turns out i mixed up my months, and i'll be missing the concert and a couple of my friends by about a month and 3 days. tronzo. :(

on the lighter side, roberto and i decided where we are going to go in italy for a few days right before i leave for the states... we're going to camp out. :-D

7 days, 7 kilos... who cares! it's ITALY!

it's been a while friends! sorry i've been lazy.

since i last blogged many things have happened. the weather has improved greatly: 73 and sunny today, 80 and sunny tomorrow! i'm enjoying laying myself in the forcefully grown grass of Somosaguas (as madrid is a desert...no real grass) with my friends and soaking up the sun like a once-dying plant, relieved for another chance to photosynthesize. i think without the sun i'd be extremely cranky.


i went to italy with seven of my friends the last week of march/first week of april. we started off in the fashion city of Milan, though as the italians showed us around we came to agree with them that in itself, the city isn't SUPER impressive. it still has a beauty that is unique to italy, and it has a fun atmosphere.. but...the reason it ended up being (possibly) my favourite because we spent the majority of the two days and two nights in that rich city with roberto's personality-rich friends and family. best food i've ever eated: made joyfully by Roberto's mother, and roberto's friends used what english they had to really show us a great time. though i lost five euros in poker, i got to drink a little too much amazing italian wine and laugh myself to death. it was marvelous.












then we headed to Venice, in which we only spent (not even) a day. it was beautiful, but Roberto informed me (and i later realized first hand) that the majority of the people that make up the city arent' even italians, they are tourists. ha.











the next city we enjoyed was Florence, which ended up being (in reality) my favourite. it's big enough to be a city, but small enough to not be New-Yorkish. the older part of the city is separated from the newer part by a smooth, cheerful river, over which the brick-lined bridges carry the beautiful italians. the art and the architecture and everything about the city is quite enchanting. the streets are charming, lined with beautiful lampposts and most likely with historical somethings. i could see myself living in Florence some day.












the last city we were privileged to visit was the ancient and most well known city: Rome! the ruins (i have to talk about the ruins!) were magnificent, taking my imagination back to a mystical time in a way that my textbooks never could. it's not an exaggeration when they say that every time you turn a corner there's another historically-relevant building or place. it was ridiculous.
we saw the Sistene Chapel/the vatican. i climbed to the top of a castle and looked out over the beautiful city, surrouned by small mountains, the pointy tops of the old churches poking up through the ancient buildings surrounding them. it was a phenomenal experience.










as always, spending time with my amazing friends was an experience that i will cherish forever. they are nothing short of incredible. easy-going, fun-loving, intelligent, this list could go on a while. i am very lucky to have them here. :)
Between the panzeroti and the people, the awe-inspiring sites from the tops of churches and the beautifully-historical everything-elses, i think i'm in love... see you soon italy!



















p.s. about London/general life in a couple days. ciao friends.