Originally, summer was something that I was desperately awaiting. YAY! no more classes that teach me irrelevant things that will never help me reach the goal I want to reach, that will never help me to help the world. I was awaiting it with an exhausted mind, because (ironically) one of my biggest pet peeves is someone else wasting my time. But now that we're in summer, I'm sitting in my office feeling utterly bored and useless to the world in which I am living.

I was talking with a friend about our childhoods and what we once aspired to be (when we were younger). Of course everyone wanted to be a Marine Biologist. I wanted to be one too, but when I fully realized my intense fear of sharks (looking at a picture gives me a minor panic attack), I decided to look for something else. This is a recap of the past couple of years...

*thinking*....What were my other dreams?
To help people, maybe medically? I love Spanish, and Spanish-speaking people. Maybe I can help spanish speaking people, in a medical way. That's it! I'll become a nurse.
1 Year Later...
Oh wait, the nursing program won't let me study abroad. I can't stay in the God-forsaken town any longer.

Anthropology. Now that will be a nice start to doing other things, right? I can always build off of it. AND I can study abroad.
2 Years Later...
In archaeology class, wondering why the hell this lady thinks knowing that Tlaloc is the storm god of ancient Aztec society is relevant in ANY context, besides an archaeological anthropology context. What happened to my dreams, and how did I end up here?

Back to the conversation with Rachel. I started to realize that dreams change, in drastic ways. Things happen, people happen, and to expect specific circumstances and ideas to endure or to remain constant in the face of life changes and maturity is naivety in its purest form. I realize this is a simple idea, but what do I do with my former dreams?

I have fallen in love. I have lived far away, met people that helped formed me to form different views, seen places and things indescribable with my lacking vocabulary.

Does one need a Dream to pursue in order to live a fulfilling life? Who knows. I still would eventually like to help people, in SOME way. I think that is my ultimate Dream.
But now I am following micro dreams: Love Jerbear in a way that is selfless, humble, and (hopefully) holy (although that is daily become a Dream), build lasting relationships based in God's love that challenge me, graduate college, make enough money to buy a glass of wine now and then (or more?), etc.

Every time I sit in this office, sit through an asinine class, or realize that I am still in Columbia, not constantly doing things that will carry me to my ultimate Dream, I realize that THIS IS PART OF IT. *sigh*
I don't know what to say. This has all been a ramble.

I guess seeing my friends get married or move away or doing new things (etc.) keeps making me feel like I'm missing something.